Parenting: What no one tells you

No one tells you that being a parent is full of disappointment, self-doubting, and feeling like a failure. If people were to tell you that, that means they have to admit they have felt the same way, and we all know someone who acts as if they are the perfect parent and have the perfect children. 

As a mother we get all the grief no matter what our child does; somehow it is always our fault. Never mind that Dad taught little Billy to spit because it's funny or how he taught little Jessica that punching a boy is okay. We are looked as as the matron of the family and should be teaching our sons and daughters right from wrong. Another thing that people don't tell you is that you may end up parenting alone. Many parents in today's society are unable to co-parent together due to bitterness and anger from the ending of the romantic relationship. Sometimes it can be do to abuse and we as women tend to hold onto that longer than men. 

I can tell you from personal experience that I have felt more guilt, shame, and disappointment in myself as a parent not because I am doing something wrong, but because I am worried that my child will not understand or actually use what I have taught them when I am not around. One example is this: 

My husband was gone out of state for a couple of weeks and I had been having some trouble getting my child to understand that the bad behavior and lack of respect would end up with the child being disciplined. My child continued to back talk and when I had enough I ended up spanking after several warnings to stop and being put in time out. My child continued and when I noticed that the once precious little hands rolled up into a balled fists, I had an outburst of anger and began to yell. After my outburst, I went into the other room and cried so hard. I called my husband and told him everything that happened and how guilty I felt for letting my anger get the best of me. I know I could have handled it better with talking but in the moment I didn't know what else to do. I cried for a good hour feeling like the worst mom in the world. The next day my child apologized for not listening and back talking me and all the attitude saying that she knew it was wrong for her to do that but she wanted to do what she wanted and was mad that I didn't let her. I apologized for my outburst and she accepted my apology after I accepted hers. The guilt I felt from the anger and outburst was overwhelming. I did all that I could to stop and correct the situation, but my child was 8 years old and being so mean and to me there was no logical explanation for it at the time other than she wasn't getting her way. 

My child has said many things to me such as, "I hate you", "I wish I wasn't yours", "I wish I could live with my dad" or "my dad would never do that".

Many parents will tell you it is hard raising a child but they don't tell you how hard it is especially when you and Dad are not on the same side when it comes to parenting your child. It's hurtful, annoying, and sometimes you hate your child's personality. You don't hate your child, you just hate their attitude, their rudeness, and their meanness. It doesn't mean you don't love your child, it means you are human. These are the people you are raising and you hope with every ounce in your body that they become well-behaved, decent, individuals. You never wish harm on them and always want to protect them but you also want them to respect you. 

Teaching children the basics to become successful, independent individuals is extremely hard because you must show them in your actions on a daily basis. You must let them fall so they can get back up on their own without your help. You have to teach them respect and fairness by displaying it even when you don't want to. Teaching children to be responsible is a headache on it's own but it is well worth it. Not only for their future but for yours as well because they will be responsible money wise as well as for their actions. 

While raising a child, whether boy or girl, is no walk in the park, it can be rewarding. Everything you teach your child they will eventually use, and if you have the chance to see them using it in action, you will be so very proud. I can't count how many times I have seen my child use such respect when speaking with adults or how well-mannered my child was when all the other children were running around like rabid animals. My child has stood up to bullies and befriended children who didn't have friends. My child used quick thinking and immediately reported someone to campus officials who was wanted by the police in our neighborhood all because the man was seen in a flyer passed around the school.

So even when you feel like you are failing, drowning, and just disappointed in your child for one reason or another, remember all the good your child has done. Whether it was a big or small accomplishment, it is worth remembering. You are your child's number one mascot and they will look to you when you are not looking because they want to make you proud.

“Our parents can show us a lot of things: they can show us how we are to be and what things we ought to strive for, or they can show us how not to be and what things we ought to stray from, then you may have the kind of parents that show you all the things about you that you want to get rid of and you realize those traits aren't yours at all but are merely your parents' marks that have rubbed off onto you.” ― C. JoyBell C.